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Marriage – Active Love

There are plenty of times in a marriage when both husband and wife would feel that they do not feel loved anymore.

Have you ever felt that the person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with does not show you any love? I remember a couple who wanted their marriage vows to go something like, “till our love runs out”.

A group of children were once asked why people fall in love. An eight year old boy replied, “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it had something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular”.

It is important to say that sometimes adults seem just as ignorant about love. Some see love as simply an emotion over which they have little control. Some think love is simply infatuation that can be triggered by physical appearance without any real knowledge of the person. Most wrong views of love simply reduce love to feelings. Can I suggest to you that real love is far more than a feeling. Christian love is an active verb, it involves doing.

Christian love means reaching out to meet the needs of another and it often results in a cost to you. In marriage, it might mean washing up rather than watching TV, it might mean sitting and talking rather than working, it might mean hugging your spouse after a hard day.

I wanted to briefly raise 5 ways in which couples can actively show love to their spouse. These 5 ways are often referred to as the Five Love Languages and are well documented in an excellent book by Gary Chapman called “Five Love Languages”. Since space is small I will not get much time to expand on what each love language is and I would really encourage all couples to get a copy of the book. If you are interested in getting a copy please let me know and I will track one down for you.

So what are the 5 active ways we can communicate love to our spouse?

  1. With Loving Words
  2. With Kind Actions
  3. By Spending Time
  4. With Thoughtful Gifts
  5. With Physical Affection

All these 5 ways are active ways in which we can express love to our spouse but here is the catch. Most people have a primary way in which they feel loved and so if you want to show your wife you love her then you need to work out which is the best language your spouse responds to and then come up with creative ways to show them how much you love them. Notice how your responsibility is to work out and show love to your spouse in the way they respond. And guess what… their task is to work out and show love to you in the way you best respond.

I could write on the five love languages for a time but space does not permit. If you want the love in your marriage to continue and not “run out” then why not find out how to keep your marriage love alive for a life time.